whoopsie

cole and i just had a drink with a girl who had a big ol leaf up in her teef last week. unfort, we didn't know her well enough to signal. we knew her so little that we plugged her name in the phone as "spinach"

When I pump gas,

well first of all I don't look like this. Second of all, I am usually really insecure someone I know is driving by looking at me pumping gas, and I usually have zit cream on, and I'm in my sweatpants, and I'm just getting 10 dollars anyway because I can't afford more, but I am always too far away from the pump so I'm having to stretch the hose anyway, but first I was on the wrong side again so I had to back up and turn around and then someone took my spot so I have to wait because I was not raised to be confrontational, and then I am all too aware that I look really dumb doing it, and I can never get it to stick and pump automatically, and then extra always falls out when I think I'm done, and I'm usually worried my hands caught herpes. So to sum up, I never, ever look like Mila Kunis when I'm getting gas. I'm much more likely to be mistaken for the 55 year old chain smoking greasy haired gas attendant

Oh, Come ON.

Dear God, It's Me, Sarah

Tonight while I was watching You Tube I felt something for David Cook when he sang "Time of My Life." I don't know what it is but I feel ashamed and slimy. I'm sorry Archiepeppa, you're still tops at Minden Place.

Can you believe

Halle JUST had a bebe. I guess I could get skinny again too, in that small time RIGHT after I have my baby, while they are sipping breast milk, then chomping on mushy Gerbers, but PRE when they eat Mac N Cheese and hot dogs all the time on their little highchairs. That's when you kiss your waistline goodbye, slip back on your elasti-waist jeans and say HELLO Kraft and Disney Channel. A lot like my life now but without the tykes.

Home from Homaha

It was not as bad as i thought. I tend to hyperventilate with layovers and planes and delayed flights and pushy, unfeeling employees of airlines -- BUT OH NO NOT YESTERDAY. I done rode on Frontier Airlines which is ANIMAL THEMED.


Well personally IIIIII was fortunate enough to ride a plane that I walked on and there was a big poster with a big fuzzy raccoon that said "RUDY THE RACCOON WELCOMES YOU ABOARD!!!" That's Rudy there on a plane wing.
And then there were animaux ALL OVER the plane, like there kept popping up on my TV screen a big fuzzy bear offering Grizzly snax. I swear it saved my day. Cuz I was super sad to leave Omaha, where it thunderstormed every day and night and then the sun would turn technicolor right after the rain, and it was a reminder your whole life can change in an instant, just like the weather. So anyway I will always look for Frontier Airlines, the people were so nice too, very Midwestern, so kind. I still cry when someone is randomly, unnecessarily nice to me. And this blond over-tanned stewardess who made a point of calling me by my first name really pushed that button. But now I'm home, for a tiny bit, before NYC. So you know what that means.

Next time, on Frontier Airlines, I would like to ride with the pengies.

I always go to this site

Because of their gosh-dang cute as f*(& ads!!! Wouldn't you go to it even if you didn't have a pup? Sir Chompsalot on that stick.

This is

the first time I ever thought LC looked really pretty. Maybe it's the extensions, or those leather leggings everyone in Hollywood wears but I never could. No, barf that, it's the extensions. Tim is always really sweet about LC being the prettiest Hills girl. I swear he only says it cuz he knows she's the most normal looking and maybe classical looking. Which I think makes him a pretty good guy. Can you imagine dating someone that salivated over Heidi or Audrina? Troubs- city.

Break out the bubbly

Kirsten Dunst said in an interview yesterday that she was NOT dating Ryan Gosling, and that she went to Rehab for "depression," not drinking or drugs. But my problem is how she looks in shorts. If they aren't dating now, won't they be soon? He is the perfect man, but he's still a MAN, and she is still a skinny mins.

Still a big fan but

, and this is an old thought, and I certainly don't believe that women getting older have to ask for Sally Field Steel Magnolia helmet hair but I stared at this picture for five minutes and kept thinking that Catherine Keener looked like she clubbed her dinner out in the forest and came home and scratched messages on the walls of her cave with a stick. In other words, a caveman. I guess all I'm asking for is a five inch trim.

Once again

nothin' wrong with sweatpants! Her movie with Justin Long, He's Just Not That Into You, got pushed from summer to October, which probs isn't a good sign... but I've never liked the thought process behind that book/mantra anyway. It seems a bit sexist to me, makes women out to be so needy and desperate, and terribly black and white, like all those "rules" books. I hope they're delaying it to add some lonesome dudes to the storyline, too.

This reminds me

That tim's jeans are tight on me. Look at how big Jake is compared to Reese! His hugs must feel like xanax in a big fluffy white bed. I wouldn't change my relationship, but I would like Tim's jeans to swallow me, not suffocate. I guess that's up to me, huh, not some random force of nature.

Personally

I'm fascinated that one of our biggest female celebs (not for her acting anymore but for her antics) is publicly dating a girl. Like, really fascinated. When has this ever happened in history? She won't SAY it, but she'll show it. Poor Jodie Foster had to hide it her whole career, Ellen DeGeneres nearly lost hers, Portia has said she struggles to be taken seriously as a romantic role.. but I don't think LLo cares. i think she's tried every other risk, and this is the latest. Also, it's like that saying, when a dog's being sent to the doghouse, it thinks, why not snag some snacks off the coffee table on his way? Kind of like her career, it's not like she could hurt it any worse. Still, I'm oddly proud of her.

I hate

a lot of the crap she wears but how psyched would you have been if you could have worn this to your prom? SJP wore this to the Sex in the City premiere and I loves it because I love anything that sparkles. I also like the fit of the top. And the fact that she's not wearing a hat that looks like jack's beanstalk.

While I like to Make Fun

Cuz I totes hate her music, esp with Black Eyed Peas, I keep really liking how Fergie dresses when she's out on the street. I have to come to realize I HATE MYH CLOTHES. I would love to throw on striped leggings and a motorcycle jacket on a Tuesday, but I doubt I'll ever have the imagination/resources.

Progress!

Although it looks like he might have been picking at it, which we all know is a big no no. Ok now I am late for the plane, all to give you guys updates on Pete's coldsore

Happy Belated Mother's Day

Man I sure do miss dressing up like a hooker with MY mom and getting trashed.

Kleary Keira

doesn't care if you think she's anorexic anymore

off to omaha

I hope it's relaxing and loving and restoring and all that. With all thistraffic fine stuff and MTV falling off the face of the planet recently (so just feelng broke with no job prospects) and partying to fill some voids, I am ready to just feel still with some old friends in the middle of the country. But I miss my furry daughters already. So just a few tiny posts from the girls before I hop on a plane xx

Lo is getting so bitchy

Is that hard for you guys to watch too? She lost 10lbs, moved to Bev Hills, and now she's outto destroy everything in her path! I hate how she giggles after everything bitchy she does, like she thinks she's too cute for words.

Jude sinks into slut mud

once you've fallen as far as kimberly stewart, you might never see the light of day again

I hope she is walking straight to the hospy

post divorce outing

and looking great. Ok a little hippy, but that's not her fault, it's that weird cut dress

Still At it

And I'm still down with it. Let's hope he relapses tonight so she can re-dye his hair when he's 8 sheets to the wind. I still love his music. It's less shameful than David Gray and a bit cooler than Damien Rice, who is shoulder to shoulder with Ryan on the Jerk Scale. I bet she is making him as sweet as pie. I wonder how many songs he's already written for her-- somewhere between 9k and 9 mil

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE

Ho no you dint, Jude broke the Law. What the EFF are you wearing and don't try to sneak outta your house like we didn't see you. I am sorry, this is not going to just go away for me. This is on your permanent record, Pepe Le Peu.

I see these pics

of Jamie Lynn Spears on her four wheelers, 8 months pregs, and I think she MEANT to get pregnant so she could leave Hollywood and head home to her double-wide in Louisiana or wherever. She just seems so at home eating chicken fried steak at diners and gnawing on hay. This was probably the only way she could have any control over stage parents and live the way she wanted.

Do you think

Ashlee Simpson got cold feet when she saw this picture? She and Wentz are getting married this weekend-- too fast! A monthish long engagement! She must have not been wanting to show AT all for her wedding. She probably already had size 0 BabyGap dress made and didn't want to have to let it out.

thoughts? i like it

I like Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams together. I HATE, repeat HATE, repeat IS THIS THING ON I HATE his blond hair, but I know he is such a girl and really just wants someone to love him and not leave him, and i think Mandy could be the girl. She stays out of Hollywood bull, and is so nice, but I have always wanted her style to veer a little more indie, and I think he's pulling it over to that side. Yay!

Can't Post Today

Because I have to spend the rest of the day at the DMV, but I will leave you with this-- I concede, Llo--- you look Faboo!! No make up, no leggings, no d-r-u-g-s and you've got a winning look. (Although Amy would say there is no harm in buttoning up, we all know you've got it).

special requests

yes, I take requests
Kate had asked whether Blake Lively from Gossip Girl is as bitchy as she seems in that NY Mag article, and from my research, she is. Penn seems like a nice enough guy (here with on and off screen paramour Lively) but from what I can tell, he's not in it for the fun. He's in it for that tookas, which looks nothing like mine, btw. I'm more of a Mischa Barton than a Lively, from the backside.

But remember, we still love Robyn Lively (her older sister) from Teen Witch!!!

Abreva is not that expensive

Open Your Eyes, You're Crazy!!

Anne Heche has officially gone broke. She has 34,000 left to her name, and this is where I get confused. I mean I know she's insane (leaving Steve Martin for Ellen Degeneres, only to leave Ellen after two years and officially breaking Ellen's heart and then winding up in the desert ala Margot Kidder talking about God and aliens, and then two weeks later move in with Ellen's camera man Corey Lafoon, then leave him for her Men in Trees co-star James Tupper who before meeting her was happily married) and now her show is cancelled so she is claiming she is broke- but she was making hundreds of thousands an episode and has been in plenty of films. How do you get down to $34,000 just like that? I do not understand how millionaires go broke so fast. But in this case I think it's karma because in my book you don't mess with Ellen.

Kate and Owen split again

I hope he's secure after this break up. Imagine if she made him suicidal TWICE. You would have to get a doctor's note just to date her. Not a good tag to have on your head.

Does anyone

else think he looks like a dark-eyed duck? I find it weird that normally press shy Aniston is running around with him so publicly. Besides LOOKING like a duck, he seems like an odd duck to me as well with all his blogging and cruises and weird publicity stunts. I hope she's smart about this.

See, this was fine, this I could take. But the fact that he is STILL dating Dunst makes me wonder if he truly doesn't care about my feelings. Perhaps he never even cared at all.

What happened to Colin Farrell?

He got manorexic. The sad thing is, if he were an ACTRESS, he would look great, they'd maybe even say he could lose 5 lbs. But for a guy in Hollywood, he's allowed, and supposed to, have some meat on his bones.

this is something

that if Amy Bighouse hadn't already been in rehab 5 times, incarcerated, and tried to overdose, that you would worry about. But her hanging out with nasty ass suicidal heroin junkie Pete Doherty is probably the least of her handlers/parents problems these days. Why does she have all those scratches all over her arms? Does she have a lot of kitties?